"Christian Singles: Tips for Overcoming Insecurity"

Another great article from "Regina Get's Real"check it out....“It is birthed out of rejection and compounded by NOT understanding who you are,” explains Tuannee Dickson, who serves as director of publicity at Bishop Noel Jones’ City of Refuge—a title that does not do justice to her insight on the Christian singles in her congregation.

When I sat down with Ms. Dickson to discuss the role of insecurity in the lives of Christian singles, I found out we share a similar belief: Insecurity is a significant factor in preventing Christian men and women from finding love.

What causes critical insecurity?

First of all, note I say “critical” insecurity to differentiate between the kind of insecurity that is a fact of life. Everyone experiences insecurity occasionally; it is critical insecurity, however, that prevents people from engaging in activities that can better their quality of life. For singles, this means not putting themselves out there to meet people, not getting to know someone for fear of rejection, or engaging in other behaviors that hurt their chances of finding love because they are too insecure to face the evaluation of others.

To explain how the process begins, Ms. Dickson quotes a favorite proverb of Bishop Jones: “People will put their whole life on hold for a promise.” In other words, people take promises seriously; they cling to them in hope…in this case, for a lifetime of love with a potential partner.

Therefore, she continues, “When promises are broken as it relates to matters of the heart, it can be devastating. The first place one concentrates is on self. And the questions begin like this: What’s wrong with me?”

From there it spreads. “Insecurity is like a cancer; it starts out as a small mass or lump. If left unattended, it can destroy your life…I have witnessed insecurity make a vivacious young woman give up on any chance of engaging in the process of love,” laments Ms. Dickson. And I concur. In fact, insecurity is almost an epidemic among single men and women, especially those over a certain age, who have experienced being seriously hurt in the past.

Tips for overcoming insecurity

As discussed, insecurity originates in rejection and is intensified by not knowing who we are. True, we can’t control rejection, but we can control how we feel about it. And we certainly can help ourselves with the second element: understanding and appreciating who we are.

To this end, the following are some ideas for gaining control over insecurity:

Focus on your connection to God
Not only are you loved by God, but you are a Believer, which means you have faith and a strong, open heart…and this is an enormous asset. Too many people walk around the world miserable and negative; the fact that you are grateful gives you incredible worth! And it should help you feel proud and confident.

Focus on inner beauty
It’s not just a cliché. When Christians choose partners, traits like kindness, compassion, empathy, and generosity are incredibly attractive. Making someone feel safe and loved—and treating others with respect—makes one a desirable mate. Because personally, and especially as I get older and wiser, I wouldn’t want to date someone who valued a sculpted body more than a caring and considerate mind."

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