"According to SingleBlackParents.com, “63% of African-American households are headed by a single parent.” And while I can’t find a specific statistic on the number of Christian households headed by a single parent, it’s likely a large number.
This means if you are a single Christian man or woman, the odds that you have a child or will eventually date someone who has a child are high. If you are over 40, you’d better brush up on your baby talk, because the odds are astronomical.
In the second segment of this post, I will offer a specific checklist to help determine when the time is right; but for now, if the question is, When should you introduce your kids to someone you are dating? the answer is NEVER. If you don’t consider yourself to be in a committed relationship, you shouldn’t even think about bringing the kids into the picture.
Why wait: for your kids’ sake
When you start dating someone special, your initial instinct is to want everyone to meet your great new guy. While this may be fine for friends, it’s not advantageous for your children…for a number of reasons.
Avoidable attachment
Kids have an active fantasy life. So while marriage might not even be a thought in your mind, your kids will see any opposite-sex person as a potential father (or mother) figure. If they like the person, this can build false hope that he or she will be joining the family. As a parent, your job is to do everything you can to avoid a breakup once your child has grown attached and developed hopes he’ll have a new dad. The best way to do this is to avoid making introductions before the relationship is serious and solid.
Avoidable anxiety
As we know, kids don’t always want a mother or father figure entering the equation. So for some, the introduction of a new friend for mommy can produce major anxiety. And regardless of whether they like your new love interest, there will certainly be a period of mental adjustment, where your child will struggle to understand what this means for them, for their life, and for their relationship with you. Sure, if someone is going to be a permanent part of your life, it’s a journey that will have to be embarked on. On the other hand, it’s a lot of unnecessary stress for a five-year-old should you break up two months later.
Confusion
Introducing dates to children too soon increases the likelihood they’ll see a series of men or women come and go…and this can be confusing. Not only does it repeatedly put them through the anxiety of the processes above, it teaches them that relationships are short-lived and superfluous. Sure, you know it’s normal to court someone casually for a few weeks, and then move on to someone else. But since your children can’t make this distinction—and they see everyone as serious—this can set them up for a future of issues in their own relationships. And it’s the last thing you want them to think about Christian couples." Continue reading at www.blackchristiandating.com
Have a blessed day!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
